There Is Love And There Is Blinded By Love

International Women’s Day is March 8, 2019 and I wanted to write about the women’s issues that are important. My choice was to write about what I call love and blinded by love.

Now there are lots of good relationships between man/woman, man/man and woman/woman. And there are those that actually turn sour. Today I want to talk about the woman of today and what precautions need to be taken.

“ Love is funny or it’s sad, It’s a good thing or it’s bad”.

Love is beautiful

Now don’t get me wrong, love is the most awesome relationship between two people when it is true, reciprocal, open and from the heart. BUT it can also make for not only a broken heart but a broken bank account that can even spoil all hopes for retirement. The victims can be women of all ages.

As to meeting people online – here is my advice.

  1. If the partner was unknown to you before dating, then it is imperative to have proof that the person isn’t married or already in a committed relationship.  Cheaters will go to spectacular lengths to conceal that from you. 
  2. Do a thorough Google search and a social media search on the person before the first or second date.  
  3. If the person claims to have no presence on social media that could be a red flag.  
  4. If they have a Facebook account with very few friends and very few postings or no comments from friends, that could be a dummy account.  
  5. If the person is pushing to move in with you, but hasn’t yet introduced you as their significant-other to several family members and several of  their friends, then that is a serious red flag.  Do not proceed.  Their excuses may include that all their relatives live in different provinces/countries or that he/she just moved here and doesn’t have close friends yet or that he/she moved here for a great job.  Really? If you are so serious that you are going to live together then why hasn’t he/she Skyped of any of his/her closest family and friends with you in on the video call?  Until you know for sure if any of the excuses are legit, ask yourself why someone would move to a place where they have no family or friends.  Just how great is that job and have you been there and met several co-workers?  

As a general rule, the less a person has to offer financially, the faster they will try to sweep you off your feet and the more persistent they will be about moving into your home very early on in the relationship. They may even try to convince you to sell your current home and buy a more expensive one for the two of you to share. They may not own any nice furniture or a good vehicle and soon they could be using your furniture, your vehicle and getting access to your bank account, credit cards and line of credit.  Do not go there!  You need to be 100% sure that he/she is a good money manager and doesn’t have maxed-out credit cards, gambling debts and/or a very low credit score. Any of those indicators is a deal-breaker and a risk to your financial security!

Financial Considerations

After a few dates, it may be decided that the two of you should move in together. It is time to put on the brakes. NOW!

If you want to avoid being fleeced, don’t be sheepish about a Cohabitation Contract or a Prenuptial Agreement.

If you do not have a lawyer, find one. Perhaps you will feel more at ease with a woman lawyer. And have her draw up the contract.

You should both be wanting such a contract because each of you will be protecting your own interests, no matter how big or small they happen to be!

There is NOT a minimum time before the partner you live with has a legal claim on your property

It is a common misconception that there is a magic time frame that you must be living with your partner to be considered common law. There is a similar idea that a specific time must go by for a person to have an interest in your property once a breakup occurs (ie. 6 months, 1 year or 3 years).  In Alberta, you or your partner may have a claim to each others’ property after living together for as little as one day.

All provinces in Canada will have their own laws as will the USA.

There are many aspects of a cohabitation contract and/or prenuptial agreement and I will list the main headings that could be appropriate.

  • Factual background – Date you started living together, financial independence for each and from each other,
  • Legal background. – Rights to each of their property and any joint property that they may own in the future.
  • Support – both partners economically self sufficient and financially independ not from each other.
  • Property – separately listing.
  • Real Property – each parties listing of real property.
  • Household goods and personal belongings – ownership established.
  • Vehicles – each owns.
  • Businesses – neither party should have interest or claim in any business that the other party owns now or in the future.
  • Investments – employment pensions, savings plans. Each party has sole ownership.
  • Canada Pension Plan – neither party entitlement.
  • Debts – each party is separate as to debts.
  • Taxes – each party solely responsible.
  • Rights on death – no claim to the estate of the other party.
  • Enforcement of this contract – obey deadlines listed.
  • Laws of the Province will govern this contract.

I have known several women who have lost much of their life savings in a common law relationship (or a marriage) without an agreement. Many times the other party has moved in with them and they were so blind they didn’t see any of the red flags that went up. Sometimes it is the other persons “ability” to never keep a job, or they don’t treat me right and I quit syndrome. Sometimes it can be a drinking problem that started with drinking on the weekends to drinking every day. And they have lost their job. Before you know it, YOU are the breadwinner in the relationship. One of my friends lost over $200,000 in a divorce where they had no prenuptial agreement.

So take my advice and be aware of the difference between love and blinded by love.

Make sure you really know what kind of person you are getting into a relationship with. One little slip of dishonesty should end a relationship immediately….even if it wasn’t directly involving you. Head over heels in love can be blinding so you really need to step back and see what you are getting into.

Once you see the Cohabitation Contract or Prenup Agreement you know exactly where you stand with this other party. Then you will really know whether you want to live with this person or not.

Respecting and protecting each other’s interests

Many of my readers have stories they would like to tell either about themselves or of friends who have been victimized. If you would like to share your stories please send me a note in the comment section on my blog and I will be in touch with you. I could write another post on the subject.

By sharing your story you may help someone else.

4 Comments, RSS

  1. Rita March 7, 2019 @ 7:59 am

    Good advice and info!

    • Maureen O'Shea March 7, 2019 @ 9:35 am

      Thanks Rita. I love the fact that as soon as I post a story you read it!

  2. Ruth Radostits March 7, 2019 @ 6:23 pm

    Very well written and good advice.

    • Maureen O'Shea March 7, 2019 @ 6:39 pm

      Thanks Ruth. Who would have guessed back in 2015 when I would head down to the Sauble Beach library to get my first posts into my blog that I’m now closing in on 200,000 words. So much fun going to the bar and the “Two Chicks” to do the same and get emails.

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*